Category Archives: Mental Health

Support, Self Improvement in Therapy

Finding Support for Self Improvement in a therapeutic environment is important.

How is support created in therapy?  Many times clients want to come in for one visit to make a variety of changes, often all at one time.  Self improvement happens at your own pace.  It’s usually best in small steps over the course  of your life time.

A variety of self empowering skill sets can be developed over s few sessions.  These skills will later be practiced  one your own with a continued focus on self improvement.   Having  a good  ongoing relationship with a therapist can pave the way to self sufficiency.   An occasional visit with some one who can support you can make your journey easier.

Support can come from many places, people, or even ideas and values.  Uncover who or what supports your integrity and authenticity,   One of my basic therapeutic goals is to self empower you.  Helping you to find a better way to support yourself emotionally as well as to enhance yourself to be your very best at this moment.

Call 479-225-0055 for a counseling appointment if you want help to self empower. NWA Marriage & Family Therapy is serving the Northwest Arkansas area and Ft. Smith.  Start transforming and self empowering your life.

NWA Marriage & Family Therapy, Google and the Self Diagnosis

Welcome to the age of Google and information.  I see more clients  more confused now about their situations with all the information they research or read in an  attempt to apply everything to themselves, in hopes of a quick resolve.  Information sometimes applied correctly and successfully and sometimes applied very inaccurately and excessively with unexpected consequences, or not with the desired results

Younger folks are much more willing to rely and use the internet to self diagnose or treat others.   If its accurate and effective, you might save some money but since the biggest predictor of any one getting better is the relationship a client forms with their therapists,  all the information in the world can not substitute face to face  sessions with a professional.   As well as  not all therapists follow the medical model, even thought all insurance companies do, and that is the bulk of what most people find.

Even experts in the mental health field can disagree as to the how’s and why’s of diagnostics and therapy or of the various mental health issues,  which are in a constant state of change and advancement as they are approached from many view points and with new advancements in the filed.

Often times clients self diagnose or diagnose others in their family with various personality disorders without ever having gone to see any one in the mental health field.  Google has made their decision for them.   Everything can sound so similar too, clients tell me.  Sometimes finding issues they did not know were even issuesSo you may consider trusting the face to face process of using a therapists in real time, hanging in there and seeing what happens, rather than amass  information that leads to many clients to feel less than or  more anxious.

Counseling and mental health therapy in one form  or another, through various healers  has been around since ancient times, even before the mental health field developed to what it is today.

Even thought face to face therapy is still considered the gold standard, its good to know that other options now exists.

Call 479-225-0055 to set an appointment for therapy in NWA.
NWA Marriage & Family Therapy to explore and understand your unique infidelity situation.

Thanks Carmen

 

Valentine’s Day is Every Day

Not all counseling visits are to work on problems, sometimes they are just to make a good relationship better?  What a great way to celebrate Valentines Day than with a counseling for your couple to celebrate  and  reconnect in your commitment.  Why is it that we shower our loved one with unconditional love, sweet words, acts of affection and gifts only once a year?   Make every day Valentines Day!!

 

 

Use it or Lose it, your best self as you age.

Getting older sometimes sneaks up on you and suddenly there you are and in part one needs to be very thankful for making it  as  far as you are in your journey in life, but some how doing what we used to do gets that much harder for some over fifty.

Some things one can do to enhance your bet self both mentally and physically is to keep your energy flowing and moving.  Keeping moving in one way or another can reduce the process of what we know or call  “aging” in both body and mind.

Increasing your movement increases your stamina and confidence in your ability to take care of yourself thus increasing your freedom.  Improving your balance through repetitive motions that many sport, dance, or yoga offer helps with right left /brain hemisphere balancing to reduce stress and it will also help you be more flexible as well as keeping your metabolism active.

The idea is movement helps keep your body’s internal functioning moving better and keeps your mind and memory sharper.  Movement can help prevent falls, accidents, improve digestion, improve sleep, it reduces the chance of cancer and high blood pressure and may prevent stiffness and many aches and pains that seem to sneak up on us.  Over all the idea of keeping your body in the movement to  feel better is not new,  nor is it  ever too late to start moving.  .

A good reminder to motivate your self can be to remember one of Newton’s law of physics,….

“A  body in motion stays in motion.”

Having trouble asking for help?

Wow that was an unexpected surprise!

So are you having trouble asking for help? Yup, there you are, and yes every is thing is just fine and thank you for asking.  You have it completely under control and in fact its not going to change any time soon, with out you reaching out and asking for help.

So how long to wait is the question? Days, months, years? Many people wait in anger or in silence till its sometimes too late, they end up loosing their job, relationship, opportunities, or their health.  Sometimes they wait till later in life to make changes when they could have made many years earlier.

So why is it so hard saying, I need help or I need support?   Or life threw me a real curve ball and I am having trouble adjusting?  Getting a new perspective or adding a few new tools or maybe just being listened to and sharing the story and understand it a different or new way?

That last bump in the road was a tough one and there you are, and it’s ok to ask for help to get back on your feet by going to counseling.  It is not a sign of weakness, but of strength to know when to ask for help.

Road is long ….you are moving right along, back on your feet now, carry on!!

 

Attachment styles and your relationship?

Attachment styles and your relationships?  What is your attachment style in your relationship?

John Bowlby (British) and later Mary Ainsworth (Canadian ) pioneering research in developmental psychology, known for their work in early work in attachment.  Ainsworth research in attachment styles explored how a mother’s (ie. caretakers) and infants bond to each other.   She described  3 types of attachment styles in infants. Secure, Ambivalent and Avoidant attachment style.  Suggesting that these early attachment styles are learned from our primary care giver)s) in our early years.  We internalize them as road maps  to then later repeat as adults in our adult relationships.

Secure attachment style is of course the most stable style, yet only about 50% of population is able to create a secure attachment style.   This can create less than stable relationships and over all difficulty in long term relationships or marriage, if we do not fall into a secure attachment style. Secure attachment It is  stable, honest, intimate and manifests as a willing commitment to the other and to the relationship in the long run, even in hard times.

New research shows that attachment styles are both environmental meaning they can be learned by modeling and some speculate, some part might be inherent to us when we are born, as well. Also attachment styles  are now considered more fluid than before, where they were considered unable to change.  The new research shows that  if  some one can model a secure attachment style in a relationship or marriage to an ambivalent or avoidant  that is anxiously attached,  this person might in four or more years have a chance at being  able to change their style to a more secure attachment style.  How ever this is not a given and there are many other factors.

Ambivalent or Anxious attachments manifest with an inherent need to get a lot of affection and attentions, sometimes it never seems to be sufficient.  They are often insecure about  themselves and need a lot of affirmation form others.  They have a fear that their partner will some how  or abandon them, because they are not worthy  or they have a fear that their partner will cheat on them.  Worry seems to over ride trust, and they seem to pursue the other more.  They are usually uncomfortable alone and seek to be in a relationship at all costs even if it is not a healthy relationship.  Sometimes anxious attachment can manifest as a high need for control, or neediness vacillating with anger if unable to get needs met..  Having said that, all manifestations of control attempts of one partner over the other are not always just anxious attachment issues.

An Avoidantly attached person will feel suffocated with real intimacy or too much closeness and have the need for alot of alone time, a high need for privacy and possibly even stray to have other relationships.  They might find a securely attached person too regular and too boring.  Avoidantly attached individuals, like change and excitement they are not very emotionally vested in a relationship, and will be quick to end and restart another relationship without too much time in between.  Their focus is more on themselves and their work. They will be less interested in sharing intimate feelings/ Avoidant often will often leave their relationships when times get  difficult and they feel stressed.  Avoidant  have difficulty establishing a sense of “we” identity.

Newer research from Mary Main now points to fourth attachment style, the Disorganized Attachment style. This is created when the parent has unresolved abuse, trauma or loss, and disorientates the child growing up.  Parents are frightening or frightened and struggle with emotional regulation, the world is an unsafe place.  Disorganized attachment style is full of mixed messages, creating a very unstable environment for the child and later in adult their relationships. Often manifesting as a difficulty in managing stress and self regulation, poor social skills and trust issues.  The adult them will have difficulty with later parenting or in relationships over all.  People with disorganized attachment styles are less likely to feel they need help or to seek help. These styles can be explored in therapy as to how they impact the couple or the individual.

Once you are able to better make sense of what attachment style you developed as a child and how this map is still guiding your life today,  you will be able to gain insight and learn new skills.  Most people can learn to develop  a secure attachment style with time  and therapy or  a securely attached partner.   This information might be useful to know about yourself and your loved one when dating or when looking for a life partner.

 

ONE BODY TWO BRAINS? YOUR GUT INSTINCT?

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/gut-second-brain/

Surprising article in Scientific American Journal that explores the mind body connection. Scientists are now discovering that  people’s “gut instinct”  or “butterflies” are connected with mind and emotions through our body.  This gut instinct or some call it intuition, can process information much faster than our rational mind and it is usually accurate.

This other gut brain “second brain” is composed of many neurons in your intestinal tract and is connected with the brain in your head. The article points out that  it is the seat of your unconscious thought.  It can alert you very quickly to  danger, suspicion, excitement.

People  often say,” I just knew it in my gut”  that is because this second brain contains 100 million neurons,  give or take a few. That is more than in either the spinal cord or the peripheral nervous system.  The second brain can control gut behavior independently of the brain in our head, and it is very connected with our emotions and with our physical illness or health.

More research is needed in the future but preliminary research shows that maintaining a healthy gut contributes to good mental health and vise versa.  So notice your hunches and your gut feelings and be open to their influence, they can provide valuable information.

Carmen’s Blog

CarmenThank you for stopping by and welcome to my blog. I hope to share useful information and experiences with you here.