Tag Archives: NWA Couples Counseling

Gaslighting the 2022 word of the year

NWA Marriage and Family Therapy serving all of Arkansas online.

Gaslighting is a term that came from the 1940’s psychological thriller movie titled “Gaslight”. View for free link, You Tube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYmtzaHwCKo It is well worth a watch, and hold up many years later.

Today “To gaslight” is an active verb that has come into our modern speech. Used in terms of relationships one can say “Relationship Gaslighting” to mean when one person in a relationship intentionally distorts their partner’s perception of reality for their own manipulative advantage.

Relationship gaslighting can manifest in many ways. Signs to notice are when you begin to question your own judgement, values or perceptions and your own sense of reality. Oftentimes, fault will be assigned to you at a time when you attempt to question explanations or when you feel most vulnerable or powerless from the confusion fallout and insecurity that gaslighting eventually causes.

Questioning to attempt to clarify may bring on statements that you are too sensitive, jealous or overall unworthy in various ways. You then begin to feel isolated and confused and begin doubting yourself. Developing with time a sinking feeling at the pit of your gut. This feeling is a good red flag to honor.

To balance this discomfort, many people try to talk themselves out of their feelings with positive self-talk. They may change their own behavior to try harder to accommodate for their partner’s gaslighting, in hopes of being a more supportive partner and to improve and regain trust in their relationship. Usually, these actions are not effective and the gaslighting will continue.

People are now using “gaslighting” very often and sometimes inappropriately. Enduring continued gaslighting is unhealthy and will emotionally unbalance you. The question now becomes what are real and genuine relationship difficulties and what is manipulative relationship gaslighting?

As a Marriage and Family Therapists, I have seen both and have helped individuals and couples explore the different angles and nuances so they can see clearly for themselves.

Call NWA Marriage and Family Therapy to discuss a counseling appointment. Offering sliding scale fee at your convenience. Serving clients virtually anywhere in Arkansas.

Office voice mail 479-225-0055. Thank you.

4 Relationship Abilities

Four, simple yet powerful abilites that need to be nurtured in your relationship are:

RESPECT: To ability to consider, admire and appreciate with high regard the value of your partner. The ability to refrain from interfereing or intruding by showing warm deference to the other’s actions or thoughts.

RECIPROCITY: The ability in a relationship for mutual influence, exchange of healthy dependence of mutual behaviors, thoughts and feelings. The ability to exchange these in a naturally way between partners, for the benefit of their relationhsip.

REMORSE: The ability to feel anguish and distress that arises from a sense of guilt for having comitted past wrongs that impacted your relationship. Especially, for those acts that can not be remedied. This ability also includes a sense of deep regret for the consequences, created by the actions taken that impacted your partner.

REPAIR: The ability to renew, restore and remedy in part or in full past harms, so as to come together, to reunite, reconnect, and eventualy be able to function anew.

NWA Marriage & Family Therapy offers affordable, 60 minute virtual sessions anywhere in Arkansas. Offering Relationship, Couples, and Marriage counseling with a sliding scale fee. Apointments are at your convenience using your smart phone or computer. No special techincal or software know how needed, super simple.

Call 479-225-0055 to set up an apointment or to answer any questions.

Thank you.

Quote “3 Classes of People”

“There are three classes of people;

Those who see.

Those whos see, when they are shown.

Those who do not see”.

-Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519)

This is an interesting quote to ponder. I was wondering how this could be applied to therapy in general. I would say all three types come to therapy at some point for different reasons. Those who see, may struggle with their knowingness, unable to feel others really understand, or they struggle when sharing their sights. Those who see, when they are shown often have many “aha” moments. Suddenly things begin to make sense to them in a way unlike before. And then there are those who do not see. They usually visit for a while, with no ability for insight or change. Non seers, are either unwilling or simply just unable to see. They for the most part, remain the same.

All three types vary in their own personal abilities and mingle equally in a variety of socioeconomic and ethnicity groups.

This quote offers yet another model for “seeing” the world.

New Years Tribute, NWA Marriage & Family Therapy

 

Happy New Year’s 2019.  Reflecting on  2018 I was thinking some times it is good to take a look back  to remember those folks who lived and came before us.  Way before us.  We are here because they survived and had the strength to carry on even in very difficult circumstances, often facing situations that in their time seemed impossible to  overcome or endure.  We as people, are stronger and more resilient  than we believe to face our situations.

Please call NWA Marriage & Family Therapy @ 479-225-0055 to set an appointment for couples or individual counseling, at your convenience.  If you need my services, in Fayetteville, Bella Vista, or Ft. Smith.please leave a voice message and I will call back.

Thank you  and I look forward  to hearing from you.

Happy 2019 New Year’s to all as we head forward.

Carmen

The Four Way Test-Decision Making

 

 

“The Four Way Test” used by the Rotarian Club that I share below as a reprint of a simple four-part ethical guideline to use when exploring and making decisions in an ethical manner.  Credit to Web link below.

 

http://thefourwaytest.com/history-of-the-four-way-test/

The Four Way Test

1. Is it the TRUTH?

2. Is it FAIR to all Concerned?

3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?

4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

 

Good therapeutic questions to use and explore through life when communicating with your spouse, couple, friends and or family.

Call NWA Marriage and Family Therapy at 479-225-0055 for an individual marital or couples appointment for affordable licensed therapy. Thanks!

 

Counseling and Therapy Contact Websites For NWA Marriage & Family Therapy

NWA Marriage & Family Therapy

Below are links to find my services and other free and useful counseling information.  Marriage therapy, couples counseling and individual clinical counseling  provided in the NWA area and Ft. Smith in a private practice setting.  I have an affordable sliding scale fee for a 60 minute session, depending on your income.

I am a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. see    https://aamft.org

I can be found  on their www.therapylocator.com listing.

My private practice is going on its seventh year in business serving a variety of clients from all walks of life.   I  have offices in various locations and it is sometimes hard to get google maps to cooperate with a business that has more than one location.  In addition to Fayetteville Arkansas, I also serve Bella Vista as well as the Ft. Smith area

You can also find my verified services listed as well as other valuable counseling information on Psychology Today.  See…

https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=157622&rec_next=61&ref=6&sid=1507733323.2675_7511&city=Fayetteville&county=Washington&state=AR&tr=ResultsProfileBtn

My services are also listed at Goodtherapy.org

https://www.goodtherapy.org/therapists/profile/carmen-cubillo-20131231

Any of the above web site links might help you in finding a face to face therapist and are good sources for free information as to counseling or therapy in general.

Calling the office at 479-225-0055 NWA Marriage & Family Therapy and leaving a voice message is the best way to reach me to make an appointment or simply  answer any questions you may have.

Thank you.

Carmen