“Get your facts first, ….then you can distort them as you please.”- Mark Twain
A great quote from the great social humorist and writer Mark Twain. Using a little humor and not taking yourself too seriously at times can be a very powerful self preservation strategy for your mental health.
People get stuck in their attempts to prove themselves right and their partner wrong when fighting especially in couples situations. This in the end leads to resentments and feelings of being judged, undervalued, disrespected and over all unloved.
How about hanging up the usual factual argument by refusing to engage in the familiar back and forth dance that is so familiar? Learn to manage your own frustration with a little calm humor and pick your battles wisely. Please remember If you are in an emotionally manipulative or abusive relationship most general relationship strategies, may not apply.
I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Individual counselor, let me know if I can help you or your couple change your usual dance.
Call me at your convenience at 479-225-0055 and leave a voice message. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.
Often times one hears of couples saying they have “communication problems”. Such a term is very often used and can be for the most part rather nebulous. It can sometimes be a description for many other problems and or underlying issues in a relationship that have not been explored.
Couples for the most part to communicate very well either directly or indirectly their unhappiness, disappointment, resentment, contempt or anger for each other. Sometimes they punish each other by using avoidance, manipulation or intentional harm that they might be less than willing to talk about or admit to each other. Often times in couples therapy the process of discovering the source of the discomfort or negative patterns might take some time.
Many times the presenting problem of what the couple labels as the issue soon gets overridden by past wounds, hurts or betrayals that have been buried between them and unresolved. Often times these other issues come bubbling up.
Couples who have issues with “communication” sometimes have been carrying these wounds or unfinished business in an indirect way for months or even years. These unhealed wounds are often dragged along unresolved in the relationship and/or marriage longer than is healthy and this can impact their current relational health.
If left unresolved the couple may find that the misunderstanding can escalate very quickly and eventually destroy their relationship. Exploring these resentments, patterns of attachment styles and past wounds every so often sometimes can reconnect a couple. Sometimes the help of a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists can be a good start for a couple to begin to tall openly and to reconnect once again and clear their communication channels.