Often times one hears of couples saying they have “communication problems”. Such a term is very often used and can be for the most part rather nebulous. It can sometimes be a description for many other problems and or underlying issues in a relationship that have not been explored.
Couples for the most part to communicate very well either directly or indirectly their unhappiness, disappointment, resentment, contempt or anger for each other. Sometimes they punish each other by using avoidance, manipulation or intentional harm that they might be less than willing to talk about or admit to each other. Often times in couples therapy the process of discovering the source of the discomfort or negative patterns might take some time.
Many times the presenting problem of what the couple labels as the issue soon gets overridden by past wounds, hurts or betrayals that have been buried between them and unresolved. Often times these other issues come bubbling up.
Couples who have issues with “communication” sometimes have been carrying these wounds or unfinished business in an indirect way for months or even years. These unhealed wounds are often dragged along unresolved in the relationship and/or marriage longer than is healthy and this can impact their current relational health.
If left unresolved the couple may find that the misunderstanding can escalate very quickly and eventually destroy their relationship. Exploring these resentments, patterns of attachment styles and past wounds every so often sometimes can reconnect a couple. Sometimes the help of a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists can be a good start for a couple to begin to tall openly and to reconnect once again and clear their communication channels.